Dasein.

"Dasein is an entity which does not just occur among other entities. Rather it is ontically distinguished by the fact that, in its very Being, that Being is an issue for it." 

....

"The kind of Being which belongs to Dasein is rather such that, in understanding its own Being, it has a tendency to do so in terms of that entity towards which it comports itself proximally and in a way which is essentially constant - in terms of the 'world.' "

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"Dasein's falling into the 'they' and the 'world' of its concern, is what we have called a 'fleeing' in the face of itself. But one is not necessarily fleeing whenever one shrinks back in the face of something or turns away from it."

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"What oppresses us is not this or that, nor is it the summation of everything present-at-hand; it is rather the possibility of the ready-to-hand in general; that is to say, it is the world itself."

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"The 'nothing' of readiness-to-hand is grounded in the most primordial 'something' - in the world. Ontologically, however, the world belongs essentially to Dasein's Being as Being-in-the-world. So if the 'nothing' - that is, the world as such- exhibits itself as that in the face of which one has anxiety, this means that Being-in-the-world itself is that in the face of which anxiety is anxious. 

Being-anxious discloses, primordially and directly, the world as world."

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"Anxiety makes manifest in Dasein its Being towards its own-most potentiality-for-Being - that is , its Being-free for the freedom of choosing itself and taking hold of itself. "

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"Anxiety can arise in the most innocuous Situations." 

--- From Being and Time. Martin Heidegger, trans. J. Macquarrie and E. Robinson, Oxford: Blackwell, 1967. 

You may not be well-versed in Heidegger's philosophically ontological views, and that's okay because this post is about me: my being, my existence, Dasein in the being of me. 

When this world fades and washes away, I have faith in one thing... the worries of this world, the sorrow, and the pain will be surpassed by an infinite amount of goodness - a goodness I dare not even attempt to describe. I don't wish for it nor do I pray for it; I merely have faith for it. 

All of my life, the 26 years I've lived, has matured me into the young woman I am today. I cringe at the thought of writing the word woman. As a favorite of mine, Simone de Beauvoir once went on to write that a man never dares to start out a sentence with the description "I am man." Thus, to actively refer to my sociologically given identifier, woman, makes me cringe to an extent. But, as any human being, my feelings and emotions come into play. As much of a favorite as Ms. Beauvoir is for me, philosophically speaking, I also cannot help but cringe knowing that such a great thought we both shared could only make me further cringe in realization that in our feministic ways we still, nonetheless, differ vastly. 

Which brings me to the following point... Why am I so different? 

This is a question I struggle with daily. Webster identifies the ontological term different as, "partly or totally unlike in nature, form or quality." Ladies and gentleman, no matter how nicely my mother describes me as unique, the truth of the ontological fact is, I am different. My views, thoughts, and ideas vary greatly from everyone around me. Sure, there are many similarities and plenty of times when I agree but it is at that exact moment when I agree, such as in agreeance with Ms. Beauvoir's statements, that I automatically switch into some sort of autonomous mind set where my idealistic view literally prevents me from making any sense to this world. 

Emphasis on the statement of me not making sense to this world because I have never really felt like I belong in it. I cannot be any further explicit in attempting to make you, or any reader for that matter, fully comprehend what it is I mean because the point is you will probably not understand me.

Perhaps I am not meant to be understood.

For every person that has hurt me, I have long forgiven you. For any person who will hurt me in the future, know that you have my forgiveness. I am a kind spirit; I cannot help it. If I am meant to have a burden, then this would be it. My personality, my idealistic mentality, my hope and kindness. Interesting that I should quote Mr. Heidegger... But, as a believer of Christ, I need not have a burden. Any worry that I feel, as a good Christian, I should let it go. It is not easy. It will not be easy. The journey, however, is what further continues to shape me in whatever way God meant for me to be shaped, idealistic or realistic. My view of reality may be skewed to this world, but to me it is completely perfect in an imperfect sense of a term.  

Journey.

This lonely winter night

I took a quiet stroll

down the path of life

in hopes of knowing more.

Upon a hill I turned

and came to me a halt;

The answers to my questions,

the ideas of my thoughts.

No longer need I fear.

The truth behold me stopped.

The path before me laid,

the journey I survived. 

-Marisol Izaguirre

Above is a poem I wrote a long time ago. I found it appropriate to share with you, if any, within today's blog post. My business is me. I am my business. My photography, the art I create, is merely an extension of who I am as a human being. I share with you because it is who I am. Remember, I'll blog about the mundane to the most intricate of subjects. Furthermore, I share with you my life, in photographs, in poetry, in lyrics, in words. I share and I will continue to share so that one day, as I have always believed when I set out to create this photography journal, I may look back and read my struggles to deeper appreciate where I am at that exact moment in my life. 

A toast, to my idealistic mentality... a mentality which further tears me apart from this world. By all means, cheers!

{Running... to the sea.}

:) Happy day friends!